My life is kinda dizzy right now. Too much thoughts, too little courage and its causing me to bounce back and forth between everything.

Exactly A month away from my 22nd, where's the usual excitement?
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why would one tell me who im a sucker for. To be honest, i was more of a sucker for you. Thanks for tearing me apart.

i don't like my bf to work

my own bf bought me this -_-"

i always needed help in my work, besides turning to KYQ i always TRY my best to ask C. i remember asking him to think for me on strategies to minimise traffic during an event and he goes " then don't hold the event la" or "then widen the road la". ok, widen the road sound more appropriate, but no one will widen a road for a event unless f1?. so a few mins ago i asked him this:

JOCELYN THAM says:
how to say guest during the event lost count of how much they drink den drunk
form a sentences for me

charlie says:
drink drank drunk bebe
they drink drank drunk
HAHAHAHA

JOCELYN THAM says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAA
GO TO HELL

"weekends is for me to play" i use to think that was nonsense, but i somehow follow this shit nonsense. i tried, i really tired reading my book, but no productivity at all. too bad for me, at least this weekend was well spent with c. its been ages, since the both of us step out of kovan (its the end of the honeymoon period, thats why - long gone) we ended up walking under the big sun from suntec to bugis for starbucks. ironically there is WAY more starbucks outlet in suntec area compare to bugis, dont ask me why we ended up at bugis instead. so i wanted starbucks so badly because of the cake mich ate once when she was with me, totally crave for that cake like mad but ended up eating less than half of it -_-" . started another round of walking before we left for 3 soccer matches, back to back.

yawn, im bored of blogging.

look at the arsenal boy

i love today and i love you. be back tmr.

HAHAHA (i'm reading about what your favourite flims say about you)

twilight - you are 15 years old - MENTALLY. In your mind, you may picture yourself as Bella - all ready to be swept up in immortal love - but in reality, everyone just pictures you as a 15-year-old in a Team Jacob T-shirt.

You might also like. Titanic which is what Twilight was in a previous life.

HAHAHA, i know old people who like twlight, sadly =(. but thank god my love for twilight faded after reading new moon.

now you know why my hair is always up, cause ITS TOO LONG. effects of lazy-ness.

i'm only blogging because of my slut friend. so i'm alone at C's place while his parents gets the cake and bloody c is shitting downstairs.

so anyway, a note to every little dying soul here. do not try to be someone (someone whom you think is cool?), you change 360 degree and what you gain? yep gaining the friends you try to be SO badly and they happily turn out to be WAY younger den you. and apparently your brains tell you "ego boosted", you go around trying to mock people with i-am-the-cool-kid-words. AHH WHATEVER! you are already under my hope-you-become-a-good-for-nothing-person-in-future. why do i feel so heated typing this!

btw its 22 aug now, didnt get to type everything out yesterday.

haha, see the photo above, looks like it went through muds, jungles, accident. the quality is damn bad, too pixelated and contestant jolly well post their photoshoot photo, while c post this. btw, this is taken by mobile phone, crop, and expand! haha.

haha, don't scold me but buy me smoked black peppered duck =( but i think this looks better than the picture above.

because i was complaining about how stupid some people could get, boyfriend has to be someone who's so fucking smart. fucking smart (read me in and out). but i'm gonna work hard and try to stand out. thanks boyfriend. and because of that, i talked to mummy,no turning back for me. OK I FEEL LIKE SHIT. all mummy could say is, work in UK. thanks, i dont want.

ma boifriend ish coming backx tomorrowz yoo!

cousin said this was her last photo in the hospital, seriously which part of her looks old and sick? she's damn adorable.

mini needed oxygen box to live in =(

and here's their new dog, monday. and cousin had maya, miko. all the Ms.

once again, i have to remind myself that keeping a dog would only bring sadness at the end. mini pass away on thursday, which i came to know today. words can only vaguely express how i feel. although mini isnt my very own pet, but she sure did bring me memories. when mini was brought back by my aunt, mini tortured wendy and of course i hated her, scold her, feed wendy, make fun of her but eventually all the hatred i had became love. cousin and i always squeeze on this small single bed and mini never fail to 'princess' her way between our legs and snuggle herself to bed (yea, at our feets). we use to play hide and seek with her, finding any wardrobe to hide into then we'll call out her name, btw mini is super tiny, so all she could do was to weep outside those wardrobe (so cute). whenever we leave the door open(by accident) mini would run out like a mad dog!, super happy dog(i still remember the look), not that my cousin ill treat her, but you know how dog react when it comes to going out. just by talking about her, i know i can go on forever. but mini was definitely 1 reason why i love small dogs so much. I'm gonna go visit her tmr, and it hurts, can't imagine how cousin feel.

i know how these photos totally don't match this post. but i used bb to mass send it. so just gonna leave these pictures here.

there's so many different thing that one can be unhappy about. you sort the unhappy moments that you had yesterday and today? a new one just surfaces. den again, it just prove my point right, that couples do quarrel/feel affected? OFTEN. i mean why wouldnt one be? you practically love the person, probably the first person you think every morning.

i'm definitely not unhappy about not being able to meet c for like? weeks?, for school and for his holiday, i mean everyone needs their space (i could use it for my studies anyway). but it just bothers me that c is neglecting his studies for his friend and i have NO POSITION to say anything. no position because i've never lost a friend like he did. now i know why parents always react weirdly towards things we THINK its ok to do, its because we look at things in a different way, where we want the best out of them? (ok, maybe that didnt sound right). but i clearly remember when slut face was depressed over lester, AND IT WAS CLEARLY his fault for being such a jerk, i said i would find him to chop his dick off and go to jail. hello? if i think back, its dumb. but at that time, i was sad, everything and all i wanted was to find slut face. (dedicted to c: you said i was foolish, why my thinking like that?, that im not even thinking straight. sadly, it happened to you, and you said this "even if i have to take year 1, i wouldnt mind."). seriously, everyone has their own thinking, i mean what if slutface was to kill herself because no one was there for her?, im sure to be damn guilty. everyone has been thru the shityest time of their life, but (to me) at the end of the day its ourselves that we need to pull ourselves back tgt. a friend can only help you to pass time, to replace the emptiness (seriously, i don't believe that by spending time with your friend, you will gradually forget someone you love).

seriously, i have NO POSITION TO SAY any of this, none. but if nothing happens to him and our rs goes down the drain, i will forever remember this. whatever, i miss you. and i dont want teary nights.

my chanel necklace is missing and i'm pretty upset about it. I really want it back, so i'm praying that it's IN my house, just not found yet. I started google-ing chanel necklace, and i still want the old one. I don't mind the earrings though. DAMN IT LA.

hit back to reality where school starts and next thing you know,your teacher sets a ridiculous deadline. i failed once again, to be a better student. even after waking up early, i had problem finding what to wear and when i was ready to head to school, i had to leave my wallet behind. so i decided that town for chillng was better?. when was the last time me and pris had a afternoon outting tgt? so rare. got ourselves mbmj bag, pris you are in debts ah(this is a reminder).

(read if you wanna know about pris and me, if not. just skip it)
if you guys were on my twitter, you'd have known how worried was i for my stupid fat friend. well, everything seems to shimmer down. And even now, when i read her blog, i tend to shed lame, laughing tear.:

But I must say, the one person the only one human being in this entire world who understands me the most is Thams. Everyday I grow to love you more and to realize that we might just be friends forever. I know you like the back of my palms and you know the feelings I feel and what I'd do or say next. When you cried with me even just listening on the phone, I knew then that you were the only one possible of understanding exactly how I felt. Hurt by hurt no doubt. The countless bbm(s) kept flooding in even though I read but never reply? And the part where you said:

"..and even without talking to you, I can cry. But U know everytime I see a R (read), I feel happy at least I know you're alive."

Really, what more can a girl ask for except for a bestest friend like her? Thams, I just wanna say that even though we don't exactly tell each other "I love you" all the time, I'm sure you know deep down I'd do any and everything for you. I'd always be there in your time of need - drop everything and run to you. You are the reason that amidst all my tears and heartache, I still know I have hope and faith in you that you'll help me back up when all things fail.

You'll be my friend forever and never to part. xoxo

Honestly, it was one of the weirdest feeling i had. i wasn't out of love, i wasn't in danger of anything, i wasn't even sad to begin with. But after hearing slutty cry (ok, I've seen her cry like a million of times, or even hear her cry), i felt very hurt. its as though i feel her? although i may not be a good friend (you know in which sense)but i know i will be a good friend when it comes to being there, cause i know, forcing doesn't work on you.

(no more friendship stuff)
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i just got home from mj and dinner over at c's. how nice, it actually feels like a perfect routine. his mother cooks the best dishes and the mj kakis isn't those loser-ish kind. c booked his bkk trip, and i can't be bothered to argue with him about it (i'm probably suffering from the-aint-you-suppose-to-be-going-bkk-ehhhh? with me? why now friends?, den you will go about saying "you're going with pris". But it's not because we planned it. it's because i have a ticket which i do not wish to waste. that's the difference). i'm starting to realise how high my tolerance level are right now, and it's amazing how i always tell my friend and myself to ask this question before any quarrel starts, "whether it's worth to start a quarrel, which leads to the ending of those sweet moments that one(me or whoever) is having". And honestly, most of the time, no.
my bf is not someone who will bring me out to get my stuff done, to laugh or be happy for me at my purchase, or even remember when we're suppose to meet and do what. Instead, he will ask me to get my ass up, go down town and do what i needed to do (secretly i know he wants me to do that so that he wouldnt need to acc me) and when i purchase a new bag(like today) he goes about saying how it's a waste of money. This i agree, i don't deny that most of my purchases are just for luxury and its good to have someone nagging at you, at the end i benefit from saving. No one will fit your requirement prefectly, thats why i stop fighting for my needs, instead i choose to accept and understand whatever the person is. nothing changes, yet works better.



=) if you're naughty, i'll upload all your ugly photos! damnit all damn ugly i swear. heeheh

dedicated to idiot goh.

i know you are damn lazy, your bum probably weighs a ton and i hate it when i sound so naggy!. i keep nagging all day long about how you should be studying instead of gaming, chilling and anything not related to you studying. sadly, those words fell on deaf ears. even fat ass can say "hiya, this is no loonger poly days, 3day panic den study is not enough one, i know". OMG cannot take it. i'm going to nag at you again.

because of yesterday, the feeling of being afraid and dissatisfied, every word i can ever think of just magically form and of course, made alot of sense to me. i can't believe i'm saying this, but i used to be in such childish behavior whereby i say stuff like "next time got people fight ask me go, i wanna see" or when a fight is about to happen, i would probably add into one's ego, make him feel all mighty so that a fight would strike. i'm not saying i totally discourage fights, or damn anti about it because i myself did get into a fight around a week back with pussy, mich and this guy. and after yesterday i guess why we have this much courage is because we jolly know that the bouncers would entertain us?. once me and c witness some shitass fight at some kopitam, i was petrified, i broke down upon watching those old uncles covered with tattoos using beer bottle to smash each other head. they started running and next thing we know, they were just a few feet away from c's car. And why? why out of all the guys in the world my bf has to one of those who gets very distracted and someone who shuts off completely from the good. even the taxi behind his car fleed with his passager door open. i mean how scary can that sound already?

then yesterday, even watching world cup i must feel so sucky with fights going on. my bf happily went to watch his show and told me to stand somewhere far. that was surely not very comforting. And again i'd say that i wasnt like this, but something, somewhere just made me more timid? i keep thinking of the consequences like what if the person just takes out their knief? or started breaking beer bottles and go around slashing. i just get so worried about the people around me or myself. everyone around me is losing someone and it's really sad when we still think in such childish way. and no, i did not quarrel with c over this, it just borthers me alot.

C is still as wonderful, minus the quarrels. i love the way he answers my call whenever i try to wake him up, he never fails to greet me in a very welcoming voice/tone. i enjoy every single thing we do with each other, from dye-ing our hairs to soccer to the usual dinners =)))

itouch-ing time. too much words.

zouk

i miss you <3

bf <3

i like how i can wake up at 3pm, 5pm everyday without my alarms.

this weekend was very well spent, first was bbq over at bf house with the army boys. god damn i miss my friend, and i lose my voucher to a free personal pizza from dominos =( lots of chicken wasted that night, everyone left and i left for some yucks pub and RWS hardrock for some exploring.

second was ling's which i was very late for. didnt make it in time for dindin. so everyone was damn havoc in the rooms, having 1 manager coming up like twice, den 2 managers, and lastly, 2managers with 2 security. damn absurb la, thanks to the feather duster group. but lucky for the drunk night(not me), we soberzzz got to see what drunk cheap girl did.


and yesterday all thanks to em, everything was made better. we are so different, and because we are different, i actually learn alot about hot/short tempered person. another soccer night.

RWS hardrock.

and because one puke in and out of the lift, we 3 stayed to help the cleaner by holding the lift door.

our photos keep failing! its either too dark or looks damn ugly.

look at those legs.

ling doing jagerbomb. fail fail fail.

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town bores me. was hoping that i'd be able to get what i needed from town, but ended up with only a bday cake. it's either out of stock or i just simply out of sight. god, what a waste of time =( caused me to miss my mj as well.

so after those damn aimless walks in town, decided to decor my own cake since there wasnt much left to do. pretty pleased with the outcome of it. it's lard's bday. okok. back to my book, such an easy book! i'm already half way thru. i bet they cut the original story into half, to save paper. btw i'm reading the notebook, i know i'm damn slow.

if only i was one of the lead in those love books, maybe i would get to feel what they call love?. never fail to make me go "awwww".

so soccer fever is still going on, and i concluded that its the period that gfs/wife suffer alot? my slut was complaining to me about guys gambling habits, turning on livescore all day. i'm lucky enough, cause bf decided to close his account today, damn bad at predicting scores! so i'm happily in love right now, until some shit happens again, den the whole crying process starts, which should stop, i know we can handle things in a better way.

ANYWAY, ITS BEEN DAY 4! KNN i everyday say wanna go town, to get my stuff and return my books! for 4 effing days, and its either im lazy or something being caught in the way. TMR I WILL FREAKING BREAK MY BONES AND LEAVE HOME, I DONT CARE IF ANYONE MEETS ME, I MUST GO TOWN. AND why must i always feel so hungry at this kinda hour?, my waraku that bf got me is luring me, fucking mac also 1 kind, always make me wanna eat. damn it.

i was damn drunk, ii guess im the happy drunk?