because of yesterday, the feeling of being afraid and dissatisfied, every word i can ever think of just magically form and of course, made alot of sense to me. i can't believe i'm saying this, but i used to be in such childish behavior whereby i say stuff like "next time got people fight ask me go, i wanna see" or when a fight is about to happen, i would probably add into one's ego, make him feel all mighty so that a fight would strike. i'm not saying i totally discourage fights, or damn anti about it because i myself did get into a fight around a week back with pussy, mich and this guy. and after yesterday i guess why we have this much courage is because we jolly know that the bouncers would entertain us?. once me and c witness some shitass fight at some kopitam, i was petrified, i broke down upon watching those old uncles covered with tattoos using beer bottle to smash each other head. they started running and next thing we know, they were just a few feet away from c's car. And why? why out of all the guys in the world my bf has to one of those who gets very distracted and someone who shuts off completely from the good. even the taxi behind his car fleed with his passager door open. i mean how scary can that sound already?

then yesterday, even watching world cup i must feel so sucky with fights going on. my bf happily went to watch his show and told me to stand somewhere far. that was surely not very comforting. And again i'd say that i wasnt like this, but something, somewhere just made me more timid? i keep thinking of the consequences like what if the person just takes out their knief? or started breaking beer bottles and go around slashing. i just get so worried about the people around me or myself. everyone around me is losing someone and it's really sad when we still think in such childish way. and no, i did not quarrel with c over this, it just borthers me alot.

C is still as wonderful, minus the quarrels. i love the way he answers my call whenever i try to wake him up, he never fails to greet me in a very welcoming voice/tone. i enjoy every single thing we do with each other, from dye-ing our hairs to soccer to the usual dinners =)))

itouch-ing time. too much words.

zouk

i miss you <3

bf <3