farktheshit

I miss you…I look and look at my phone and find that there is no call, no message from you. I know I must be strong and find myself once again all strong and solid without having the comfort of your presence.You are my usual light. My fall back. If I lose the world, I have you. This is the feeling I have that I may not so easily tell you… I probably need you the same way you need me. We are each other’s comfort. You make Me feel good because you are honest, you are worthy of love, you fight for me, you hold on to me, you cry for me, you smile for me. I hold you tight in my arms and whisper my strength into your ears and let you know its safe to sleep. I am an immearsureable strength for you where your strength is weak at best. You snuggle so tightly into my chest I am amazed to look down and still find that you are not permanently apart of me. You hold on so tight that you remind me that I AM worth holding on to. Your eyes remind me of mine. I feel we share a history together that connects our future. I feel that If I am blessed enough to be with you further in life then I will be stronger, smarter, better, happy and I will give you the same. I can grow with you, I want to grow with you.2 days without no call or text is killing me.. I feel like you don’t need me anymore, but somewhere my pure soul knows that you do miss me, you want my voice, my body, my presence to calm you down to dance with you.But I am scared because I can feel the possible wind change of time apart, and I’m having a really hard time thinking about you existing apart from my heart and soul. I sense the power of distance. You are so far away, as I am so far away. What shall I do to make this relationship stronger… I don’t know.. I really really don’t think building this relationship is gonna be so easy.. But i know it'll be worth it. I want you, I want you in my life, I want you in my bed, I want you in my arms, I want you in my soul. You are something else, you are quite a unique expression of beauty. I want to do everything I can to hold you in my arms again and feel the beat of your heart next to mine.I am so scared baby… I feel such a distance that I am paralyzed and I feel so insignificant without our souls being able to grow together.wish I knew what you were doing now, but kind of scared to find out… I almost never want to hear from you again because I am scared to find out how un-repairably distant we are… I ache thinking about you losing interest, meaning, purpose in confiding in me…. I wanna cry but I also want you here with me. I want you in my life… Breathing becomes harder to do when these thoughts of increasing distance and bitterness build and fester.I am losing that intimacy we shared so familiarly because I have this itch at the back of my mind that is saying you are "away and glad" and are being intimate with another… I am losing strength.. but even so, I mostly desire your heart and mine snuggling with no one else comparing for even a heart beat.I understand this pull of intimacy because I feel like I have never felt during our relationship.. I feel like we are in such clear terms, Not Together, and my heart yearns for the attention YOU gave me. It’s hard for me to tell when I am flirting because I am soooooo in need of what you gave me that I feel like a drug addict just wanting to fix my problem as easy as possible. But this path is not mine. I want to try my best first to heal our relationship and learn more everyday how to show you I love you. You must know that I love you love you love you. You are my inspiration.I think about you everyday during almost all points of the day. You mean a lot to me. I don’t want to lose you. I wish to better myself so that I may be with you. I crave for your attention and energy. I miss your smile and warm soft body. I want you NOW.. I want you badly.Im tired now after releasing such tension… I love you with all of my body mind soul.

i read this from someone's LJ, and it totally touched my heart. it did, it did. maybe cause i feel some sort this way too.

i cant wait for my exams to be over, though i know i will do very badly and regret BADLY. but its just beyond my control right now, what can i do when i don't even feel like flipping my book, or even just sitting up. precisely, i can't do anything.

ok heck, anyway, school's ending and yes.

i was suppose to chop off my hair today my i chicken feet out. cuase everyone was like no no no, you would regret and yes i didnt. but instead DIY my own fringe. haha, my same old stupid straight hair cut =)) i cut for pris as well. photos here you go.

kay, i seriously hate this photo, but i just wanted to show how lame i was. and how my hair look like before i cut it.